Sunday, August 31, 2014

Battling Back To School Fears and Bullying

Hey Guys,

This is a post of me giving some quite personal advice. I thought that as it's the 1st of September, today would be the perfect day to post this.

I know that anxiety of going back to school is a really horrible thing to have, I like to refer to it as a demon, because it is. Many people like to over-look it and tell you to stop being childish or what not but honestly I want you all to know it is a real thing and it is awful.

I suffered so badly with school anxiety, honestly high school was a nightmare, don't get me wrong, I love education and I loved high school- friends-wise but seriously I had so many dark days and my parents would always say 'it always gets better, don't worry' but you know what? It never did.. I always ended up literally making myself throw up just so I didn't have to go in, but I'd lie to myself and say 'I just get ill a lot' and I'd keep making excuses when really I just had this fear of going to school!

I love learning and I love socializing (well I did most of the time) but for some reason the night before a school day I'd just get all stressed out and panicky and I would end up putting my fingers down my throat or searching on google 'how to make yourself sick' and the scariest part is that I never thought that there was anything wrong with me!

I just want to say that the only/best way to deal with these fears is to tell someone, if you can't talk to your parents or teachers then find a number online or go to your doctors and tell someone exactly how you're feeling, there are other options, there's homeschooling etc.

I struggled with this depression for all of high-school and sixth form! In my first year of sixth form, I actually had really morbid and dark days, I would lie in my bed at night and literally wonder why I was alive and would it be SO bad if I did something stupid... you get the jist..... but luckily I got myself out of the slump and one night I just went into my mums room and opened up, I burst out into tears and explained everything, I left sixth form and had a gap year before starting and honestly with having that time to just relax and work on MYSELF rather than HAVING to go somewhere every day hating myself and what I was doing!

Now I've realised that I have ambitions and dreams and that if I work hard enough then I can achieve them!

I've had my fair share of bullies in the past too, My eyes aren't like everyone else they're different, and people used that to make fun of my 'chink' was the main insult, people made rumours about how I'd had surgery to make my eyes 'beautiful' and it went wrong and now they're ugly! (that was when I was 14 aswell) all I can say about bullies is PLEASE do not take what they say too seriously, obviously you will be upset but think, if you focus on doing well in life then when you're happy and living your life perfectly.. they're probably deeply troubled and not living the life they wanted! I've heard SO many stories about people turned 40-50 years old and completely REGRETTING awful things they said when in high-school, they have to live with themselves so please don't get too down, I believe everyone was born with 2 sort of seeds inside them, one good and one bad, and through-out their lives they make choices on which one to grow and some choose the good, some the bad!

Remember to talk to some-one and if ANYONE needs any personal advice from me please either leave a comment underneath or e-mail me at swarbrick_m@yahoo.com and I'll be happy to help!

I hope this blog was useful and if you have any suggestions please just leave a comment :-)!

Thanks Everyone, Keep Shining!

^.^ M x

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